The Straw That Broke The Mutant Camel
by Red Witch
Summary: The Brotherhood are driving the X-Men crazy and they can't take any more.


**The disclaimer that tells all of you that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters is broken. Just some more stuff that comes out of my head. I use these when I find nothing good on TV, which explains why I write so many of them. **

**Straw That Broke The Mutant Camel**

"For the last time Blob! Banjo music will **never** make a comeback!" Pietro yelled. "Folk is dead! Deal with it!"

"That is a **lie!**" Fred snapped. "There are plenty of people who enjoy the art of banjo music and appreciate folk music."

"Yes and they are all over a hundred and are married to their cousins!" Ray snapped.

"I resent that remark!" Sam snapped.

"He didn't mean **your** cousins," Pietro quipped.

"No he meant mine and I resent that remark!" Fred snapped. "That only happened **twice** in my family and you know darn well that none of them were really related! It just so happened that their parents got remarried first and then the step kids fell in love."

"Oh yeah?" Pietro raised an eyebrow. "What about your cousins Eden and Steve?"

"They didn't know they were related! Who knew their grandfather was the same priest?" Fred shouted. "They were thirty when that happened and they never consummated their marriage."

"Only because of Steve's fondness for **goats**," Pietro mocked. "After seeing Eden's picture I can guess why Steve was attracted to her for a while."

"Okay! That's it! This means war!" Fred started throwing donuts at Pietro.

Pietro laughed and dodged them and started to throw them back. His donuts hit Sam and a few other mutants at the table and soon everyone was throwing food. "So much for intelligent debate," Logan groaned.

"Will you two stop throwing food?" Jean said.

"Correction, stop throwing our food in **our kitchen**!" Scott snapped. The Brotherhood and the X-Men were in the Xavier kitchen. The Brotherhood had come over and they were scarfing down as much food as possible.

"This is the third time this week you yahoos have barged in here and eaten our food!" Tabitha snapped. "And it's only Tuesday!"

"You are the expert about barging into things aren't you?" Todd quipped. "Like bedrooms, conversations, houses, the bathroom when someone is taking a **shower?**"

"Yeah it's not like you had a limited window of opportunity between Toad's showers!" Lance said.

"Here's an opportunity right here!" Tabitha threw more food and the food fight started again between the younger mutants.

"We're letting them come over here…**Why?**" Scott asked as Xavier wheeled into the room. "Could you remind me again? I keep **forgetting!" **

"Scott we have to learn to work together in order to maintain the peace," Xavier said. "By working things out with other mutant teams we will be much stronger and more able to promote mutant rights."

"Professor haven't you noticed by now that every time we try to work things out with Magneto and the Brotherhood, things only get **worse?**" Scott asked. "Remember the camping trip that ended up with us fighting Juggernaut? The time we teamed up to stop Apocalypse but ended up with him escaping? The time Mystique blew up the mansion and we all got exposed as mutants? Does any of **that **ring a bell?"

"Charles I'm amazed this stupid truce lasted **this** long!" Logan snapped.

"Would it really kill you to try and make more of an effort to befriend the Brotherhood?" Xavier asked.

CRASH!

"You wanna **rephrase** that question Charles?" Logan growled.

"I was wondering what that noise was," Gambit grumbled as he hobbled in on crutches with Rogue following.

"Gambit?" Pyro blinked. Everyone stopped the food fight.

"Oh great! Just who I wanted to see early in the morning," Rogue groaned. "The Insanity Squad!"

"What the hell is **he** doing here?" Pietro asked.

"And what **happened** to him?" Todd blinked.

"Gambit is recovering from his injuries," Hank explained.

"He got beat up by a girl," Scott smirked. "And it **wasn't** Rogue!"

"Who?" Wanda asked.

"Remember Tabitha's friend Samantha from the spa?" Rogue asked. "The one who burned down the place?"

"Oh yeah. Got it," Wanda nodded. "She was a mental case."

"You should know," Gambit grumbled under his breath.

"What did you say?" Wanda snapped.

"I said it should have been Pietro," Gambit lied smoothly.

"Oh that's all right then," Wanda shrugged.

"Gambit isn't the only one joining the Institute," Ororo spoke as she walked in with another familiar face. "Everyone I believe you know Peter Rasputin."

"Colossus? You're joining the X-Men too?" Pyro asked. "Why didn't you join the same team I did?"

"I believe you just answered your own question Pyro," Gambit smirked as he sat down.

"What question was that?" Fred asked. "I had a donut piece in my ear so I didn't hear it."

"And there's reason number **two,**" Gambit quipped. "He pointed to Lance, Pietro and Todd. "And there's reasons numbers **three** through **five!"**

"I wouldn't talk if I were you," Scott gave him a hard look. "It seems to me you have a lot more in common with the **Brotherhood** than us!"

"Was that an insult?" Todd asked.

"I do believe it was," Pietro bristled.

"That's enough!" Xavier reprimanded. "Gambit and Colossus are X-Men now and I expect you all to treat them with respect."

"The Professor's right," Jean said. "I hope you two will consider the Institute home as we all do."

"Oh yeah _them_ you all welcome with open arms," Lance grumbled. "Just watch your backs around here guys!"

"Are you still holding a grudge over **that?**" Scott yelled.

"Uh yeah! I am!" Lance snapped.

"Do we have to go over this? You could have stayed here and toughed it out but you chose to run away!" Kitty shouted. "Like you always do!"

"And here we go again!" Lance threw up his hands. "Back to the source of all our problems! You never thought I was good enough for you! Admit it!"

"I never said that!" Kitty said.

"You certainly implied it!" Lance said.

"Well if I did imply it, it was probably because you were running around with creepy friends getting into trouble all of the time!" Kitty shouted. "That's why I broke up with you!"

"You didn't break up with me! I broke up with you!" Lance snapped.

"No, you didn't!" Kitty said.

"Yes I did!" Lance shouted. "Remember a few weeks ago when I caught you trying to set up a date with **him **behind my back!" Lance pointed at Peter. "Maybe I wasn't the perfect boyfriend but I never **once** cheated on you! And believe me I had offers!"

"From who?" Kitty snorted.

"Yeah who?" Todd asked. "It was Tabby right? She was always coming on to you!"

"WHAT?" Kitty glared at Tabitha.

"Oh come on!" Tabitha snorted. "I never did!"

"You used to burst into the bathroom while I was taking a shower!" Lance said.

"So? I did the same to Toad and Quicksilver," Tabitha said.

"Yeah but you never told me how hot my body was! Which it is!" Pietro fumed.

"I know I should stop this but I just **can't,"** Logan groaned. "It's like a train wreck. Only a lot more fun."

"Okay so maybe I flirted with him a little but I never really meant it!" Tabitha said. "He was just something to play with!"

"Something to play with! Just like Kitty! Lance certainly has bad luck with cat names," Pyro remarked.

"Who asked you, ash for brains?" Tabitha snapped.

Lance fumed. "I deserve better than this! Not **one** word Summers!"

"Don't look at me," Scott said. "For once I'm on **your** side!"

"How could you be on **his** side?" Kitty shouted at Scott.

"Because you shouldn't have led him on!" Scott shouted. "**Both** of you!"

"Peeping on a guy while taking a shower that's pretty low," Sam admitted. "I got five sisters and even they don't do that!"

"I should have known!" Jean threw up her hands.

"Yeah all guys side with each other no matter how stupid!" Rogue snapped. "The Brotherhood I expect stupid but…"

"I am really getting tired of you making constant cracks about how dumb we are!" Fred snapped.

"Why? Because you can't understand **half** of them?" Bobby quipped.

"Oh we understand all right," Todd fumed. "You guys think you're smarter than we are but you ain't!"

"Yeah! Show of hands! Everyone who has a high school diploma raise your hands!" The Brotherhood raised theirs. So did Gambit.

"**You **have a diploma?" Rogue asked.

"Home schooled but yes a legal diploma," Gambit told her. "What? You think master thieves don't need to know math or science or geography? Sometimes you have to calculate angles, know locations and figure out complicated codes. Thieves' Guild teach more than stealin' to Gambit."

"Okay him I get but you guys got yours off the internet! Doesn't count!" Scott said.

"It counts enough in more than half of the fifty states of the US of A!" Fred said. "There's still fifty of 'em, right?"

"A hundred dollars well spent," Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Why do any of you wanna graduate from Bayville High anyway?" Pyro asked.

"Yeah that dump is full of mutant hating trash that deserves to get taken out!" Pietro agreed. "No diploma is worth that much harassment!"

"It's not just about diplomas! It's about mutant rights! Standing up for the right to be educated! Which we won while you all got thrown out!" Jean snapped.

"That's not what my father said," Wanda told them. "He told us what **really **happened at the school board!"

"Yeah how Xavier _persuaded_ them to let you back in," Pietro twisted the knife.

"You lying little…" Jean fumed. "The Professor would never use his powers to force people to change their minds!"

"Who said he did?" Pietro mocked. "Why use your powers when cash works just as effectively?"

"Why you malicious little…" Jean shouted. Several X-Men and Brotherhood members began to yell at each other.

Meanwhile Lance and Kitty were still having their own fight. "I have tried so damn hard to please you! For years I let myself be a doormat…" Lance shouted.

"You? Oh please! If anyone has suffered in this relationship it's me!" Kitty snapped. "Do you have any idea how many people made it a point to tell me every day what a _mistake _I was making? Which **obviously **I was!"

"Unless they used duct tape and cockroaches, you're not getting any sympathy from me!" Lance snapped. "You're not the only one who made a mistake being in this relationship! What the hell was I thinking? Do you have any idea how much time I **wasted** on you? When I think of all the…"

"You do not talk to her like that!" Peter stepped between them and glared at Lance.

"Oh I'm not allowed to express my **opinion?**" Lance snapped back. "Is that how it is?"

"Peter! I can handle him!" Kitty told Peter.

"I think that was the point of us breaking up! That you couldn't handle me! That I refused to change to your standards!" Lance snapped. "So what? You find someone else…"

"Who has standards!" Kitty interrupted.

"So this is what you really want huh Kitty? This is how it **finally** ends?" Lance pointed at Peter.

"Yeah! It's so **over** Lance!" Kitty snapped.

"Fine! Tin Man, you want her? You **got** her! Good luck with her pal! Maybe **you** can make her happy! If that's **possible!**" Lance shouted as he stormed out. His anger triggered his powers causing the building to shake.

"Stop! Wait!" Xavier protested. However Pietro took this opportunity to zoom around with his powers creating a mini tornado. Wanda used her powers to zap the X-Men quickly, preventing them from using their powers. By the time the smoke cleared the Brotherhood was gone, the kitchen was a mess and there was slime all over the place.

"Oh gross!" Kitty winced at all the slime on her shirt.

"That could have gone better. So much for improving relations between our two teams," Xavier sighed.

"Oh what a shame," Logan mocked. "This truce is **finally** over."

"And not a moment too soon," Scott breathed a sigh of relief. "Good riddance!"

"Yeah six down two to go," Bobby whispered to Sam.

"You do realize that as soon as possible those morons are going to make dumb television shows trashing us again right?" Rogue asked.

"So? What's the worst they could do?" Bobby asked. Everyone gave him a look.

That night…

"Reason Number Forty Seven why I'm glad Kitty and I broke up!" Lance was continuing his countdown on TV. "NO MORE COOKING! People you all remember how many times this girl has nearly killed us all with her muffins!"

"I think the entire state of New York does," Pietro zoomed in. "So people if you see this girl cooking, warn the health authorities! I have an idea! If you want to call in and complain about Kitty, please call our hotline. 555-NUTS!"

RING! RING! RING!

"Hey the phones are ringing off the hook!" Todd was heard shouting.

"This is so embarrassing!" Kitty groaned. The X-Men were watching from their living room.

"At least they didn't do a detailed history of your relationship in sock puppets," Scott groaned. "Although I must admit Duncan Matthews never looked better."

"You **know** everybody's going to be watching this and talking about it when we go to school in a few days," Bobby groaned.

"Really? Broke a whole tooth huh?" Lance was taking a call. "And you spent over a thousand dollars getting it fixed? No wonder you didn't want to come back to school Mrs. Elders."

"Home Ec. teachers are grossly underpaid," Pyro nodded.

"So everyone be on the alert! Be warned of how dangerous Kitty Pryde really is!" Lance shouted. "Trust me guys! She's not worth the heartache!" He grabbed a voodoo staff and waved it around. "BEWARE! BEWARE!"

"As if school wasn't going to be hard enough…" Kitty groaned.

"This is going to be an awkward first day isn't it?" Peter groaned.

"Don't worry Petey," Tabitha purred as she put her arms around him. "I know you'll use those muscles to protect us."

"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM YOU LITTLE…" Kitty screamed at Tabitha. Before anyone could stop her Kitty tackled Tabitha to the ground and the two started to fight.

"Oh for crying out loud! Tabitha did you have to **start **something?" Jean snapped as she telekinetically tore them apart.

"I didn't see a 'Property of Kitty' on him!" Tabitha said. "Why should she get all the good guys?"

"What's wrong with one of us?" Ray protested.

"Besides the fact that you're all idiots?" Tabitha glared at him.

"So were Lance and Kurt but you threw yourself at them," Bobby quipped.

"OKAY! I AM SO GOING TO HURT YOU!" Tabitha struggled to get free then she realized she didn't have to.

"TABITHA! NO! NO…" Scott shouted.

BOOOOM!

"Powers…" Scott groaned.

"DAMN IT BOOM BOOM WE JUST REPLACED THAT COFFEE TABLE!" Ray shouted. "YOU ARE SO GROUNDED SISTER!"

"Is there always this much _drama _around here?" Gambit asked Rogue.

"Are you kidding? This is one of our **quieter **nights!" Rogue groaned.


End file.
